What Music Teachers Wish They Could Tell Parents (But Usually Don't)
- BRAD JEFFORD
- Sep 9
- 5 min read
Picture this: A parent drops their 8-year-old off at swimming lessons, waves goodbye, and picks them up an hour later asking "How was it?" The child says "Great!" and that's it. No guilt about not practicing backstroke in the bathtub. No anxiety about whether they're progressing fast enough. No stress about "wasting money" if they didn't do laps at home all week.
Now picture the same parent dropping their child off at guitar lessons. Immediately: "I'm so sorry, she didn't practice much this week. We were so busy with hockey and..." The guilt is palpable. The child looks embarrassed before even touching the instrument.
After 20+ years teaching music in St. John's, I need to tell you something: We're doing music education backwards.
The Practice Guilt Epidemic
"How much did you practice this week?"
I hear this question every single lesson. From both parents and students. They think I need to hear about their practice hours like a confession booth. But here's what I really want to ask:
Did you have fun playing music this week?
Did you jam with friends?
Did you discover any new songs you loved?
Did you play something for your family?
Did you see a live performance?
Did you sing along to music in the car?
THOSE are the questions that matter. Those experiences build the love of music that makes practice feel less like work and more like... well, music.
"Practice Makes Perfect" Is Ruining Your Child's Musical Journey
There's an old saying: "Practice makes perfect." It's wrong. Dead wrong.
If your child practices mistakes repeatedly, they get really good at playing mistakes. What we actually need is "Perfect practice makes perfect" - but that requires planning, focus, and yes, professional guidance.
Here's the truth: A well-planned 10 minutes of focused practice beats an unstructured hour every time. But you know what beats both? A child who's so excited about music they WANT to pick up their instrument.
The Sports Double Standard
Let's talk about that swimming analogy again. You sign your child up for hockey. They go to practice twice a week, games on weekends. Do you make them practice hockey plays in the living room? Do you guilt them about not studying the rulebook every night? Do you worry the lessons are "wasted" if they don't drill slapshots in the garage?
Of course not. You're perfectly fine letting hockey happen at the rink and swimming happen at the pool.
But with music? Suddenly we pile on the guilt. "You HAVE to practice or you're wasting money." "The teacher will be disappointed." "You'll never get better."
Here's what I wish I could tell every parent: Your child coming to lessons and spending time with a professional musician has value even without home practice.
In those 30-45 minutes, they're:
Exposed to new music and sounds
Learning to listen more deeply
Developing rhythm and timing
Building performance skills
Facing and overcoming performance anxiety
Connecting with a passionate adult who loves music
These skills transfer to everything in life. And yes, they're still learning music.
The Timeline Trap
"We've been doing this for three months and they still can't play [insert complex song here] at home."
That's like saying "We've been going to the gym for three months and they still can't deadlift 200 pounds in our basement."
Music isn't a linear progression you can force on a timeline. Your child's brain is building neural pathways, developing muscle memory, and creating connections between hearing, thinking, and playing. You can't rush the neurological process any more than you can make a broken bone heal faster by worrying about it.
Over those three months, even without perfect home practice, your child has been:
Exposed to new musical concepts
Developing their ear for pitch and rhythm
Building confidence performing for others
Learning the discipline of focused attention
Creating positive associations with music-making
One day - and you won't see it coming - everything will click. Those neural pathways will fire correctly, the muscle memory will engage, and suddenly they'll be playing fluently. But it happens on their brain's timeline, not your calendar's.
What We've Lost in Our Busy World
St. John's families are BUSY. Hockey practice, swimming lessons, tutoring, birthday parties, family commitments. I get it - I love a full schedule too!
But here's what we've lost: the ability to be bored.
Between packed schedules and screens always at our fingertips, our children (and let's be honest, ourselves) are never truly unstimulated. But bored minds are where creativity lives. Idle time is when imagination flourishes.
When you pile practice guilt on top of an already busy schedule, you're not creating musicians - you're creating burnout!
The Sweet Spot for Musical Parents
Want to know the secret to raising a musical child? It's not practice charts or guilt trips.
Be excited about their music.
Ask them what songs they like
Take them to concerts (local shows count!)
Encourage them to jam with friends
Let them join school bands or community groups
Make music the social event it's meant to be
Sing together in the car
Dance in the kitchen
Show them that music is JOY, not work
Once that social connection happens - once music becomes part of their identity, their friendships, their emotional world - there's no stopping them. They won't need to be reminded to practice. Their mental health will improve. AND, they'll pick up that instrument because it's part of who they are.
What Really Matters
After two decades of teaching, I've learned this: The students who "make it" (whatever that means to them) aren't the ones whose parents enforced the strictest practice schedules. They're the ones who fell in love with music.
Some discovered it through jamming with friends. Others through seeing live shows. Many through the simple joy of making sounds and feeling supported rather than pressured.
Your child doesn't need to practice two hours a day to benefit from music lessons. They need to feel that music is a positive, welcoming part of their life.
The Bottom Line
Music lessons have value even without perfect home practice. Your child is learning, growing, and developing skills that will serve them forever; in music and beyond.
Stop apologizing for imperfect practice weeks. Start celebrating the musical moments instead.
Ask your child about the music they're discovering. Take them to a show at the Battery Cafe, a session at Rocket Bakery, stop and listen to live music at the Farmer's Market, or any other age appropriate music venue. Let them hear you singing along to the radio.
Make music about connection, not perfection.
Because here's the real truth: A child who loves music will eventually practice. But a child who's guilted about practice may never love music.
What musical moments have you celebrated with your child lately? I'd love to hear about the joy, not the practice guilt. Share your stories: the messy, imperfect, beautiful musical moments that really matter.
Want to discuss this topic further or explore how to make music lessons a positive experience for your family? Reach out through bradjeffordmusic.com or join the conversation on social media.
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